F=m*a

ebay, wieder mal ...

Das ist ja total stark !
Die hol ich mir ;-)

Viel Werbung...

WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg .
Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
--------------------------------------------------------------------
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
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"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
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"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for floatation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in
the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question? Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Der Beitrag wurde von Redeagle bearbeitet: 7. Sep 2010, 09:04

Gebt mal bei Google "Google Gravity" ein und dann "I'm feeling lucky"

Was ist ein Reptil vor Gericht?

eine Eid-Echse!

Was liegt am Strand und schwätzt undeutlich?

Eine Nuschel!


Was ist rot und steht am Straßenrand?

Eine Hagenutte!


Was ist ein Schwein, das an der Autobahn um Hilfe ruft?

Notrufsäule!


Panzermann hat angefangen

Was ist groß und glibbrig und addiert sich durch die Meere?
– Ein Oktoplus!

Was ist haarig und wird in der Pfanne fritiert?
– Bartkartoffeln!

Was ist grün, sauer und versteckt sich vor der Polizei?
- Ein Essig-Schurke!

Was ist grün und lunzt durchs Schlüsselloch?
- Ein Spionat!

Was ist braun, sehr zäh und fliegt umher?
- Eine Ledermaus!

Was ist viereckig, hat Noppen und einen Sprachfehler?
- Ein Legosteniker!

Was ist grün, glücklich und hüpft von Grashalm zu Grashalm?
- Eine Freuschrecke!

Was ist rosa und behindert?
Ein Flamongo

Was ist runzlig und hängt unten an der Schildkröte runter?
Die Schildklöten

Was ist grün und trägt ein Kopftuch?
Eine Gürkin

Was ist braun und geht im Wasser unter?
Ein U-Brot

Was ist schwarz und fliegt durch die Luft?
Ein Düsenneger

Was ist bunt und rennt vom Tisch?
Ein Fluchtsalat

hach ich liebe Wortwitze!

Naaaajaaaaaa, eher Flachwitze *gggg*

"Düsenneger"

Warum gibts da zwei mal schwarz?

weil Schwarz am meisten benutzt wird?

General Gauder

Es gibt einen großen Tank für Textausdrucke und einen kleinen Tank für Farbausdrucke. Angeblich sind die Tinten unterschiedlich.

Also ich hab mich eher gefragt, warum da schwarz bei blau steckt und umgekehrt... und wie wohl das Druckbild aussah.

Danke, das hätte ich sonst nicht erkannt

---

@Gauder: Das erklärt warum der schwarze Farbtank größer ist

---

@Praetorian: Danke (unabhängig davon wie sinnvoll das nun sein mag )

Witziges aus der Redaktionsstube Knopp. Oder gehört das zum Thema taktische Einsatzverfahren der RAF?



Der Beitrag wurde von Stefan Kotsch bearbeitet: 12. Sep 2010, 20:14

Wo kann man das kaufen? Gibts das auch noch mit Schrotflinte?

hrhr...habe das Bild in ähnlicher Rubrik in einem anderen Forum gefunden. Die anschließende Frage war auch dort "Wo bekommt man das??" ....Marktlücke erkannt?

Beim Sex stoppte er und bewegte sich nicht mehr.
Sie: "Was machst du?"
Er: "Das habe ich bei Youporn gesehen, nennt sich 'Buffering'".

Ahahah xD.

Mfg. Markus

Wie wärs mit selbstbaun?

Dann gibts auch keine Probleme, ne Schrotflinte zu verwenden. (Sofern man eine hat... )

da ich es zu oft gesagt habe, dass Videos nen eigenen Thread haben, ist meine Lust, die Videos jeweils zu verschieben nur noch gering, entsprechend verschwinden die entsprechenden Postings ab sofort einfach, danke fürs Verständnis.



goschi (admin)

auch gut...vor allem für Infanteristen gefährlich?

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/09/o...rfest_2010.html

Ein Photograph mit einer Affinität zu hübschen O-Fest-Besucherinnen?

Hallo? Witzethread?

Das ist Bierernst.

Nein, das ist traurig. Ich habe ja eigentlich eine positive Einstellung zum Leben, aber das Glas ist HALBLEER!

//